Carpe Jugulum
by Miz Valeer
Summary: Basically, a crossover with my original series... my FIRST fanfic so... BE NICE...if you read it ... it's SSHP ... with a bit of help from dear old Samchan. anyway please b nice n R&R .


Okay then kids… uuhh... yeah... here's mah first fanfic EVER... it sucks… I know… don't hesitate to tell me so…. ; I hope that you at least enjoy laughing at my horrible author-y skills…. GOD I suck for a 14-year old.. TT…. anyway, here ya go, please be somewhat nice. ;;;

Carpe Jugulum Chapter One 

Getting There: Slowly but (Sort of) Surely

Samara Valeer was not naturally a neat sort of person. That is why she found the task of keeping a good reputation among those of higher standing/ authority to be quite…unnecessary.

She did however have an affinity for making people smile. Offhand, slightly cynical comments, which had often got her punished as a child, now gained appreciative and responsive audiences.

Thus, Ms. Valeer had coworkers and children cheering, and cops and bosses leering. –or if you prefer- friends and kids all quite sussed, with police and managers all a-fuss.

Either way, it was through one of those sussed up, cheering folk, that 'Merry' as some called her actually…one… I mean… she hardly ever talked after all, ended up on a car ride to what seemed the middle of nowhere… aka. Denworth Castle, NOWHERE-err…- Scotland.

It seemed to her that the driver was a bit depressed, and so, she set about cheering him up. (You know… the old fashioned way- without medication.)

Now, you know, being in possession of such great intelligence as yourself, that asking about some people's childhood can be a mistake. This was not one of those people, though, and Mr. Denkov went away from the whole experience a much happier man…and also quite dead.

And good old Merry? She went away from the experience much more stranded in the middle of nowhere than before.

You see, Samara was not naturally a very loud and/or assertive person. So when Mr. Denkov went into full gale about "that summer at the Dutch village", she didn't dare interrupt to tell him of the 'strange whooshing sound'.

Said sound, unfortunately, was an indicator of brake troubles. And so, it was quite the surprise for both when they found that they just couldn't make that last 'sharp right.' Well… that's what happens when your brakes go out.

Some of the last things that ran through her hopelessly unfocused mind were the following: "Hmm… it is the sudden stop at the end.", "Wow… blood does taste coppery.", and "Damn. For midday, it's pretty dark."

Pathetic, no?

---

"Ow…that…hurt…. oops… talking to myself again. I should probably stop that."

As Samara attempted to stretch her legs, for a bit of invigorating freedom, she was instead walloped over the head with great lot of tear-inducing pain.

"_Jesus_…is my favorite god," she psuedo-corrected to empty air…empty…hmm…

"Well then," she said as she poked the more pale-faced Mr. Denkov with an intact, surprisingly un-ringed finger, "I guess you won't be driving anymore stretch SUV's through the wilderness of Scotland, huh."

Here, she giggled (… hey… blood loss does some FUNNY things to your perception.) It was at this time, after a good few minutes of glassy eyed observation of the rather deceased chauffer that she "decided" it was time to leave-in other words, she happened to put her weight down upon one side of the roll-o-matic vehicle (What? Opinion of the author showing through? Pshaw.), and the already damaged door fell to the ground… along with the body that was leaning on it.

For a few minutes the 26 year-old lass lay upon the ground, attempting to discover the reason for her sudden change in position… she gave up. From there, she half crawled, half dragged her battered body forward along warm grass that gave unrealized comfort. Finally, she reached the outskirts of a forest that seemed to never end, and after observing a small cricket that seemed to simply refuse to go past the first little fern visible, she continued on at her 'leisurely' pace.

On that night, April 17, as I recall, Samara fell asleep within the warm motherly embrace of a dark and slightly temperate forest. The moon rose, and watched the entirety woodland's goings on, taking in all things.

The snapped pine, rooted solitarily, countless yards away from the forest, doubled over on the top of a large silvery automobile.

The sound of harsh but quiet breathing within the depths of the endless arboreal sanctuary.

And the long, twisting trail of crushed, crimson stained grass and brush that seemed almost to glint silver in the dim twilight.

---

The next time that Samara awoke it was night once more, and like the previous day, the moon was bright… nearly perversely so. Its similarity to the sun, in fact, was what woke the young woman up.

It took not much longer than the twitch of a rabbit's ear for her to gather control of her body, and with muscles straining… roll over and go back to sleep.

---

Blink.

"Ow."

Blink.

"Ow."

Blink.

"…OW!"

And so on and so forth. This is basically how Samara's first few minutes of post-'car go boom' consciousness progressed.

It was only once these terribly exciting moments passed, that the young woman happened to notice that the only thing keeping her from freezing to death was… warmth. A warmth not generated by her body… but another's.

Quickly, she leapt up, and nimbly leapt over many a gnarled tree root in an attempt to escape her quite inhospitable surroundings. Or at least… she _would have_…if she wasn't almost completely incapacitated, and had her eyes closed.

As it were, she merely twitched a leaden finger or two, and gave a quiet sort of half-groan half-whimper. Samara wasn't a claustrophobic… but she was advert to not being able to move anything except her extremities.

Eventually, she was able to butterfly-err…- flutter her eyes open, and upon doing so, found out some rather interesting things.

For one, green had a **lot** more hues than she had ever given thought to, as was easily testified to by the canopy of vegetation that formed a virtual ceiling above her head.

Besides that, her pants were ripped in seemingly arbitrary places, as well as almost completely covered in dried mud, and her shirt was stretched out beyond belief. Which, for whatever reason, took priority over the fact that she was totally surrounded by giant spiders… eh.

After a few minutes' observation of the large, hairy creatures through half-lidded eyes, she attempted to move something other than a finger or toe- and partially succeeded.

The pain that had previously accompanied twisting her wrist one twentieth of a centimeter had diminished to a manageable level, so that she could not only twitch her hand but –GASP- sit up. Unfortunately, the 'slightly' strenuous activity caused a partially muffled groan of pain to escape her mouth, due to vehemently protesting muscles/

Quickly she froze, not knowing the creatures' range of hearing… or their tempers. So she waited…

And waited…

And waited…

And just as she thought it was safe to move again, one of the creature's (the one closest to her) eyes snapped open, it's eyes somehow already focused on her. It's eyes a glowing, almost fiery, intense shade of yellow.

Samara stared right back into its eyes (well… two of them anyway), and, almost echoingly, gulped.

"Um…hi there."

---

For minutes, neither moved, each observing the other for more than the first time. Then, seemingly from nowhere, a deep voice rumbled through the entire 'clearing'.

"You are… human?"

Merry did nothing more than stare… where was its (his?) voice coming from… how was a spider talking… why was he so _big_…

"I shall share with you the reason for my great size if you honestly answer _my_ question first,' rumbled the hugantic arachnid.

Oops… had she said that last part out loud?

"Uhh…yes…yes I'm a human…"

Large yellow gold eyes stared unblinkingly at her, completely boring, brownish red eyes. The creature's large, glistening outer mandibles moved apart and together at an amazingly fast pace, making an echoing clacking noise that could most likely be heard for miles.

"Hey, if you don't mind me asking…exactly _what_, was _that_?"

The large creature blinked some of its eyes, and looked down at the much smaller female before it.

"A call… to all of my kind"

"A-all of your kind," she stuttered out.

"Yes. All the others like me," he said evenly, twitching a long spindly leg covered in thick but shiny black hair, "And now, I must go… good day and much luck my dear!"

Then, with unforeseen speed for such a large creature it had jumped to the lower limb of a tree, and then scuttled off into the shadows.

Samara was about to call out for it, when its deep voice made its way to her ears.

"Oh, and about my size- I'm over four thousand years old," and it was quiet once again.

Suddenly, all pain had returned full force, and the young woman was forced to sit down once more. Who knew trees were so comfortable?

It was then that she heard it-the crashing and booming of what seemed to be a herd of a million or more animals trampling everything in their pathway, stampeding towards her.

Perhaps… she _felt_ it would be a more accurate description, for she could feel the ground twitching and shuddering beneath her, as well as she could hear it being trampled.

And then, once more, she was eye to eye with a monstrous spider… except now, all the sleeping ones around her were awake and looking as well.

This time, the voice was raspy and rather ghostly.

"And who…" the black eyed spider breathed, "are you?…"

---

Shifts nervously from foot to foot soo…… ;; good, bad, a waste time, life, and someone's money, amazing beyond belief, horrible beyond comprehension?.. c'mon... drop me a line…. Or ELSE... O.o …. waves a vaguely sharp nail file ...I swear, I'll cut you if you don't review. OO ... I swear it…

blood begins to pour from clumsily self inflicted wound

….. looks ... OHGODNO. O.O falls to floor

lies there

vultures circle overhead

slowly decomposes

LOL…… wow then... I guess that's about as far as I can go... unless you'd like me to continue into the specially reserved eleventh circle of hell… where even Lucifer gets a bit uncomfortable. lol. Remember kids, Read n review! Click the… squints …bluish purple button! …k... BYE!… falls sideways off of computer chair onto the floor …..lies there X.x


End file.
